Emotions | Ah, What a day

COVID Theory

Sun, 12 Jun 2022 00:00:00 +0000

I will start out by laying down the theory, and then I will move on to supplying some evidence of why I think this way.

Theory:

Through the COVID pandemic, there has an urge of mental health diseases in the US. With the release of COVID, whether it was intentional or unintentional, it has brought on a crushing increase of mental health issues, and this brings me to my theory. I think that COVID triggered a domino effect in the health of people around the world, and with people more worried about several aspects of life than what is happening in the bigger picture of things. This whole thing is to create a smoke screen to hide what is exactly is playing out in the world. Do I know the end goal? No. I don’t even know or have a theory who is pulling the strings. The dominos are just starting to drop.

Evidence:

News outlets:

A few months back I took about 3 hours and watched several news stations. The stations I picked were ABC, CNN, Fox, and Americas Voice. I have to say, I was shocked and disappointed at what I found. I was watching it on a Saturday morning from 11 to about 2pm What I found was varying information of what was happening with COVID from complete and totally left to complete and totally right. 99% of the information was contradictorily, so say this nice. With all of the misinformation, that’s what starts the smoke screen.

COVID Information:

While COVID is a new disease, there seems to be a lot of close mindedness around COVID. Doctors aren’t receptive to any aspect of this disease, and this can be seen if you look at any sort of COVID related forum/information outlet/etc. I have been reading people on Reddit for months, and there seems to be one conclusion, it sucks. Of course, this is an understatement. For people that has been suffering from things that are long term affects of having COVID and it seems to be so random. Makes me wonder, is there something that creates this virus do extreme things to some people, and then others, it does little to nothing. Myself, I suffer from anxiety and probably increased my GI issues.

More about the doctors being closeminded. I speak about doctors in general, and I attest to some doctors are completely the polar opposite to the ’normal' behavior. While these doctors are rare, and if you find one that you can work with, STICK WITH THEM. They are like golden nuggets. I have found one general doctor that has helped me in ways that I could never think her. I won’t name her, to respect her privacy. I do wish I could find a good place to research doctors, and this would be a service/website that is not persuaded by people throwing money at them.

Final Thoughts:

While I started this blog as a part of a type of therapy for me, and it has helped me a lot. I would like to let the people out there know that are suffering from long term effects from COVID. Keep your chin up, hopefully sometime soon that there will be a break through with treatments to help with these things you suffer from. Until then, if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself, please seek help. If you are in Asheville, NC, there are great IOP programs in town to help with some of this. While they are mainly for mental health items, suicidal thoughts and/or thoughts of hurting yourself could be helped as well. When I was in there, I found a new light in many things. I hope they will be able to help you.

Until next time, enjoy this ride which we call life.

Back in the Saddle Again....

Sun, 15 Aug 2021 00:00:00 +0000

At this point, I have been back to work for about 6 weeks. It’s been a difficult 6 weeks to get my stamina back up to what it needs to be.

Why is it hard?

Well, I went from basically being bed ridden when I was on THC. Now, I’m doing 8+ hours a day working, and a lot of times, I’m doing more stuff after work. Even though I wasn’t down for an extended amount of time. 18 months was long enough for the body to lose a lot of it’s stamina. This doesn’t factor in the mind that was kicked around the ball fields with THC. With both of those factors involved; it’s almost like learning how to walk again.

How is the work?

The work is awesome! I have missed having conversations with like minded individuals. The first few weeks I was doing 1/2 days due to doctor orders, but those days were filled with activity. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t like having meetings 8 hours a day, but I would rather be doing that than where I was. There has been so much change since my time away, it’s mind boggling. Not to mention, I went from writing code all the time to literally doing one of the things I never thought I would like. I do more of the planning how to take down the ‘forest’ to actually ‘cutting the trees’. I have a lot of privilege’s to look at the whole aspect of our work, and then try to find a way to make changes that will make it more secure, run smoother, and run more efficiently.

Blessings..

I am blessed to have the boss, friends, and family I have. My boss, has been there with me through this whole ordeal. That says loads to his character and how much our friendship means to him. With working for a friend/boss, it does make things a bit awkward at times. For example, when he has to be a boss instead of a friend. I understand that he has to do that, and I fully accept it. It doesn’t make it any easier to manage those emotions, but having someone that is emotionally aware as well, helps talk through things with me. Friends and family, I can’t say enough about them. They are usually there to help me in the times I fall short.

On to the emotions…..

There have been a lot of emotions that I haven’t dealt with since I had a mental break down. This has been a struggle for me, and probably will be for months/years to come. I didn’t realize how ‘ingrained’ working is in my being. The important thing that I have done for myself, giving my mind and body time to accept the new emotions. This includes working through them, thinking through them, and finally, dealing with them. There have been several occasions that I have leaned on co-workers and friends to help me process these emotions. That’s one thing I encourage everyone that is reading this to do….. find some people that you count on that will help you work through some of these emotions and difficulties. I have found it very helpful to have a third party perspective when I’m dealing with the emotions. Often times, I was to wrapped up in the emotion to really see what was happening.

What do I do?

Due to security of myself, company, and my profession, I will not give specifics. What I will share is that I’m in the Linux landscape of a financial institution. Other than that, nothing else. I’m sure that will lead to more questions about this post, but any professional will tell you, no matter what you do, your emotions will be in it.