Family triumphs and tragedies

Sun, 04 Sep 2022 00:00:00 +0000

The past few weeks has been a roller coaster of triumphs and tragedies. Right now, I’m more focused on the tragedies than the triumphs, but I want to take a few minutes to talk about everything good that has come out of the past.

Tragedies

On August 26th, my nephew was in a serious car wreck, and while this is a tragedy, he was alive. Since then, he’s had 32+ hours of surgery to get his back body back into shape; now its time for the healing portion of his journey. We all have found new found faiths due to this branch of life that was dealt. While we are all having problems dealing with understanding and coping with the situation that Michael has been put in. I just hope that we all learn to work with each other to keep his best interests, health decisions, and his well being at the forefront. Everyone’s problems has made the situation more challenging, we can work through them. My personal views persuade the decisions and thoughts I have about some of the people involved in the situation, and these are things I’m aware of, those thoughts still come to my mind. These thoughts SCREAM for attention due to the past experiences, and how they have affected my family and me. I hope to be able to put those aside, and put his best interest ahead of all of this.

The second thing that has happened, has to be one of the more discouraging things that happen to people with health issues. I have been having GI issues for years, and last week, my GI doctor said that I have two options to possibly find what is going on. He suggested another exploratory surgery or to wait and see. While I have already went through one of those surgeries, I’m not doing that again unless there is evidence of what they are looking for. When I responded with that information, the GI office hasn’t replied or anything. This is extremely frustrating to me, and I’m sure there are a lot of people that are having this same experience. They say the United States has the best health care system in the world, but I have been having problems like this for a long time. I don’t see how that can possibly be true.

Triumphs

While my nephew was in a car wreck that seriously injured him, he is alive. They say that his head, neck, back and core areas have no damage. This is a HUGE blessing. We have been brought closer together to rally around him as well, and this too is a blessing in disguise. Considering his body being broken, Michael has been able to cheer people up. This has been something that I am amazed by.

While I had some unsettling news about my health, it allowed for my brother and me to reconnect in some sort of fashion. While it was just a few text messages, it was still some sort of communication. Which is better than what we have done in over a year. He suggested for me to go to a university of medicine and see a specialist to see if they are able to help me. I plan on doing just that. I hope that this will lead to some answers.

Conclusion

While we are naturally wired to focus on the negative, the positive is always there. You just have to look for the positive in any situation that is given to you. Even if the positive is just a small spark, it’s there…. focus on that.

Are we brothers?

Sun, 31 Jul 2022 00:00:00 +0000

I have been struggling with a conflict with my eldest brother for more than a year now. Chris, my eldest brother, stopped any form of communication with me when I had to walk away from a conversation with his husband.

History

The relationship between us hasn’t always been good. When I was in my youth; my mother made a point to try and create a division between us in several ways. The top division strategy is to label him as our step-brother. While this is true, I can say I truly hate that this was done to my other brother and I. When I was able to see what the goal was; I immediately stopped this. I’m not sure how I old this was stopped, but I do remember the feeling of betrayal by my mother in this instance. When I was 18, my brother wanted me to have my birthday dinner with him, and that’s when he told me that he was gay. I expressed this then, I do not care what you do in your love life, I will always love you. It’s still true today, as the day I was 18. This was the time I was allowed to see his house, and see who he truly was. I was so proud that he was able to make what he wanted of his life, actually happen. While our relationship has been VERY rocky, and it continued with several things that I saw happen. An example of this, we (dad, my other brother, and I) all asked him when he was going to be able to come visit again, and we got the response of, I’m not sure - I’m super busy. Then a few months later, we were out eating at a local fish restaurant, and we bump into him. We had no idea he was in town, and personally, I was hurt by him doing the whole ‘ghosting’ thing. I’m not sure why he did this, and a phone call would have been easy enough as, I’m in town, I don’t have time.

Conflict

I was in the middle of my dark time, and Chris’s husband was trying to give me advice on how to deal with my stomach issues. He was coming off as treating me as a child, and that triggers something in me to become VERY defensive. It was to the point to where I had to walk away instead of saying something I didn’t mean. I expressed this to him as well. When I talked to Chris the following time; Chris assumed I was going to call him some sort of derogatory name that is based on his sexuality. This couldn’t have been further from the truth. While I was in a state of mind of complete anger, hurt, and almost rage; those thoughts never entered my mind. I expressed to him I had to walk away before I say something mean. His (Chris’s husband) response was, I don’t think you could ever say something mean; yet again, that triggered the ‘Oh you really think that, let’s see where this goes’ response. I had enough control to walk away. When Chris followed up with me after Bryan (Chris’s husband - Name changed to respect privacy) and I had a conflict; I noticed that the things that set me off, was deleted. While I tried to find the conversation pointers that set me off, they were removed. So, I wasn’t able to show Chris was set me off, and it’s now all of my fault that I was being so ‘mean’.

Currently

While I have been blocked from all communication with Chris, and I have attempted EVERY avenue to communicate with him. Chris posted something on Facebook that stated that no cousin wants to talk to him, etc etc, and I’m paraphrasing this. He refuses to communicate with his own little brother. What kind of message does that to say? To my knowledge, every family member on our side of the family, hasn’t written him off; he refuses to communicate with us.

Final Thoughts

I have learned a lot from this whole experience, and I HATE every bit of it. If Chris doesn’t want me to be in his life; be a brother tell me. Running away from any problem isn’t a way to solve a problem, and it will eventually catch up to you. I have learned that the hard way. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my brother, and this whole situation has gotten me upset more times than I will admit to. In the end, Chris hasn’t been able to accept that I accept him for him.

Family | Ah, What a day

Family triumphs and tragedies

Are we brothers?